Wednesday, July 30, 2008

More teenage parents than myspace!


I just watched the season finale of Baby Borrowers. The only reason I know this show exists is because they sent a promo to the newspaper I used to work for with their first two episodes (which the network said we weren't allowed to review. Just watch and mock, which we did). So when I saw the preview for the finale that promised to tell which couples remained together, I made a point to watch it.

The premise of the show is that young couples, kids 18 and 19, live in this neighborhood together. The first two nights the couple stays alone and "goes to bed with nothing happening" (two teenagers are alone in a house, there's no way they didn't bone). Then the couple gets to watch a baby for a few days, then a toddler, then a pre-teen, then an old person.

Spoiler alert:
none of the couples stay together. What I find extremely presumptuous is that the show tries to imply that its the reason for all the break-ups. Because high school couples don't break up before or during college? Because that's not perfectly normal, and would have happened whether these kids went on a reality TV show or not? Yes, NBC, its totally you're fault these couples broke up, and not the hot guy/girl living down the hall in their dorm.

Granted, the wedding I have coming up at the end of August is between two people who have been together since she was a sophomore in high school, but I'm gonna say they're the exception that proves the rule.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Nate Adams rejoice, I am finally updating about something important to drinkers in Philly

According to my drunken source who was at both locations when the liquor control board showed up (first to one, then to the other), both Bob and Barbara's and Tritone were raided tonight and shut down.

Tritone was raided for an expired food license, and Bob and Barbara's was for blocking the fire exit.

Pass it on.

Friday, July 25, 2008

"Running for political office is like debating with a forum troll..."

Godwin's Law has been evoked, Obama has been compared to Hitler. And by Ben Stein no less, a name I haven't heard in a long time.

I don't like the idea of Senator Obama giving his acceptance speech in front of 75,000 wildly cheering people. That is not the way we do things in political parties in the United States of America. We have a contained number of people in an arena. Seventy-five-thousand people at an outdoor sports palace, well, that's something the Fuehrer would have done.

Right, something the Fuehrer would do, and something any politician who could get 75,000 screaming people would do. What is the fear here? That people like this guy? This isn't the way we do things in America because usually no one likes the candidates enough.

If you're going to compare someone to Hitler, do it because they have similar politics (like, say, a hatred of homosexuals), or have similar practices (like, say, detaining people in camps without a fair trial) [I'm sure you see where I'm going with that, so I'll stop rather than evoke the law myself...], not because they're the political equivalent of the Beatles.

Actually, new rule. Unless the person has murdered millions of people, don't compare them to Hitler. That's a hyperbole. It's just silly, and makes you look desperate. The next person who compares either Bush, Obama, Brittany Spears, or anyone except people like Stalin to Hitler gets a pie in the face. Sound fair?

And for the record, I agree with this t-shirt. People really need to stop acting like Obama is the second coming.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

The first time is the most special.


Today is the first time in the history of my life that my parents are leaving me alone while they spend the night somewhere else. People are shocked when I tell them this, but, yes, my parents have never taken a vacation without me (not my doing, I assure you). As I have no experience being alone in my parent's house (being alone in my house at school doesn't count. My housemates being home didn't exactly stop anything wild from happening, them being home actually made the fun more awesome), here is the short list of things I assume should and will happen (based on TV/movies/stories I've heard):

~ I must break a lamp, vase, or have made some kind of mess that I will only have an hour to clean up.
~ If I had younger siblings they would need to get lost. Instead, my cat will magically get outside. I will find her at a jazz club around 2 a.m.
~ The babysitter will DIE!
~ My parents will call me from Atlantic City to let me know they'll be home an hour early!
~ I will use the house as a bordello to pay off my gambling debts.
~ I will fall in love with a hooker, who will betray me. Oh, I will learn so much about growing up!
~ I will invite two or three of my best friends over, who, even though they're my most trusted friends, will be jerks and invite the entire school! Including my crush and the head cheerleader he's in love with!
~ Excessive drug and alcohol use.
~ Someone will have sex in my parents' bed.
~ My sibling/cat will get drunk/stoned for the first time. Chewbacca and I will then have a long, touching talk in order to make the movie experience less hedonistic.
~ Robbers will attempt to break in, and I will use a series of wacky booby traps to stop them.
~ Witches will try to kill my virginal friend, and with the help of a talking animal we'll trick them into crossing holy ground.
~ Terrorists will try to take over the world, but somehow only me and my group of misfit friends know this! We'll have to do illegal things and steal some cars to save the world, but in the end I'll get a metal of honor from the President.
~ I will: eat a ridiculous amount of candy and/or ice cream; dance in my underwear; blast music; read my sibling/cat's diary (Dear Diary: today the girl made me wait five minutes before she fed me. One day I will steal her soul as she sleeps).
~ Me, my sibling/cat, and wacky friend will accidentally stumble into the time machine my scientist father is building in the garage. We'll hang out with talking, humanoid dinosaurs, learn some life lessons, and save the dinosaur world from destruction. (P.S. this is the greatest movie ever, and if you don't know what I'm referencing I feel bad for you. Actually, if you do know what I'm referencing please comment with the name of the film, because I can't remember it.)

"You call that a life? This is a life!"


Remember that guy who tried to sell his life on Ebay after his wife left him? Turns out none of the top bids can go through with it.

I can't tell if my reaction is "oh you poor kid" or "well, did you really think it would work?"

The article quotes him as saying
"I am very surprised I am the only person out there with a bit of adventure. It is a bit of a shame, but never mind."
So, only six people wanted to buy his terrible life and now they can't take it, so he's entering into denial and assuming its everyone else's fault for not wanting to spend 2 million pounds for a tiny house, a boring middle management job, and friends this guy doesn't seem that upset to lose.

On the Daily Show two nights ago, during the Back in Black segment about how America was being bought by other countries, Donald Trump gives a similar statement about how he's disappointed no American stepped up to buy his ridiculously ugly and expensive property. That's right. It's totally our fault that we don't want your stuff.

I couldn't tell if I wanted to use a picture of the guy or Crocodile Dundee. And then I thought "hey, this is relevant. I would buy Dundee's life."

Monday, July 21, 2008

Hating teenagers, its the American way.

My companion and I were walking down Fitzwater street last night, and at about fifth and Fitzwater he stopped, sighed, and put his hands over his ears. I stared at him, and he explained only "I hate this house," and pointed to the nice white house on the corner.

"Why?" I asked.
"Wait for it," he replied.

Suddenly, my ears were hit with a high-pitched frequency that almost knocked me back. Apparently this house uses an anti-loitering device, such as Mosquito products. Anti-loitering devices are based on the idea that as humans get older they lose their hearing, so only people under 24 can hear certain frequencies. The device will emit that frequency every few minutes, to drive away the evil teenage menace and leave the 30-somethings of the neighborhood in peace.

This device is all well and good in front of a grocery store, where the property is big enough that only people actually trespassing would hear it, or in a suburban or rural environment. But in the middle of a city? In the middle of a fairly nice up-and-coming neighborhood in the city? Come on.

First of all, my friend and I are both 22, and we could hear the pitch just fine. I assume they only turn it on at night, because I have walked by the house during the day without being in pain before, but I should also note that my friend and I were walking by it at the evil, late-night time of 10:45 p.m. Clearly we are horrible for being out past sunset in the summer, and deserve to be subjected to pain for daring to not go out of our way to get to his house.

Second of all, the pitch affects people over 18, people who can legally own houses, and some of which who could afford to move into the neighborhood (my friend actually does own a house a few blocks down). If the device is only turned on during the night, and potential buyers only tour their houses during the day, then those poor under 24-year-olds are in for a world of hurt the first night they spend in the house.

And what about families? Is this street completely devoid of children? Even if the kids lived a few doors down, so that they'd never hear it while in their own home, are kids not allowed to walk around their own neighborhood now?

It seems to me like these machines only bring down the value of the surrounding houses. I would not buy a house in a neighborhood where I could only invite people of a certain age over for dinner.

It's absolutely ridiculous to have a machine like that in a city. Especially, I should point out, a city where most of the major crimes are committed by adults.

Friday, July 18, 2008

An intelligent (and spoiler-free) Dark Knight review


Firstly: Holy #%$@ wow.

Ok, so maybe this isn't that intelligent of a review.

I saw Dark Knight last night at midnight, and was not disappointed. I was worried that with all the hype this movie has been getting, that even if it was very good I would still be let down. Especially now that Heath Ledger has been getting oodles of Oscar buzz, I was secretly ready to walk out of the theater sad that he couldn't live up to my expectations.

Disappointment never came.

Ledger owned the Joker. I can't describe how perfect his acting was. From the occasional bursts of manic laughter to his need to loudly swallow his saliva during monologues (the smile in this version, as I'm sure anyone whose seen a movie poster already knows, is due to scars on the sides of his mouth. The attention to detail of the Joker having to deal with saliva build-up blew me away). What I liked most about the Joker was how he wasn't over-the-top. He was the Joker: insane and sadistic. But he was a human being, not a cartoon character. He didn't spend every scene laughing (which made when he did laugh all the more horrifying), he didn't repeat his "Why so serious?" catch-phrase more than three times. He was a human villain, and that made him creepy.

The first movie in this franchise, Batman Begins, was not scary - even though one of its villains was Scarecrow. This movie scared the crap out of me. It is not a Batman to bring the kids to. Terrible things happen, in disturbing ways. This is not the Joker from the Adam West TV series, this is the Joker who shoots Batgirl in the stomach, strips her naked, photographs her, and then shows those pictures to her father, Commissioner Gordon (not a spoiler, that doesn't happen in the movie, but it does happen in the comic books. The Joker is a fucking scary dude).

As a side note about the Joker - during the movie it occurred to me that the last movie I'd see with my childhood crush, Heath Ledger, the boy whose poster I'd had on my wall since 10 Things I Hate About You, was so disturbing that I didn't have one scene of "yeah, I'd make out with him." Ledger effectively did the opposite of what his critics said he'd do. He was not a pretty boy leading man in this, he was an actor.

The Joke stole the show, which is a shame, because the other characters and actors were top notch. Aaron Eckhart as Harvey Dent was perfect, through both stages of Harvey Dent's life. And again, the writing of this movie was superb. There was no cheesy build-up to "what eventually happens" (comic book fans know, everyone else can be surprised), just subtle hints that aren't forced into the story.

My only complaint about the movie is a plot point that will be a spoiler, so I can't talk about it. Let's just say, that as a female who goes to nerdy action movie I loved something that this movie did differently, and then my hopes were completely dashed.

In conclusion, go see this movie. You will walk out of the theater going "Iron Man? Who the hell is Iron Man?" This was the greatest movie of the summer (well, maybe. I still haven't seen Wall-E yet).

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Sometimes truth is so much better than fiction

I was hitting the random button on xkcd today (as you do at work), and came across this comic.

It's hilarious in its own right, until I scrolled over it and the text "the younger folk in the audience think this is a joke" appeared. To which I thought "...Jimmy Carter was attacked by a giant swimming rabbit? No way."

Yes way.

It's sad that my history classes wasted so much time on the Industrial Revolution, and I was never taught something this awesome. I can picture my AP history tests now "please describe how the 1979 rabbit incident is related to Carter's release of Patty Hearst from jail two months earlier. Use at least three primary sources."

My first food Review: of course it would be a frozen product and not a restaurant.


For all you working stiffs out there, I can not recommend Oscar Mayer's Deli Creations enough. So far I've only had two, the Steakhouse Cheddar (pictured) and the chicken wrap.
However, these things are delicious, easy to make, and warm. And who doesn't love a warm sandwich for lunch? I personally am not a huge fan of roast beef, but the Steakhouse Cheddar (which comes with a lot of slices of roast beef, Cheddar cheese, mayonnaise, and steakhouse sauce) was pretty good.
You build each sandwich yourself (which is a great way to spend five minutes away from your desk), so if you hate Cheddar cheese or mayonnaise you don't have to use them.
My only complaint is that the wraps seem a little small, especially when compared to the giant rolls of the sandwich.

"WHY DO YOU PEOPLE DO THIS?"

My Canadian boss yelled at my crazy American ways again yesterday, for the way we write the date (the title of the entry is what he actually said. I had no idea what he was referring to at first).

America writes the date: July 16, 2008.
Canada and Europe writes the date: 16 July, 2008.

He tried to change my naughty ways, and explained that in a decade there are 120 "16th", 10 July's, and only 1 2008. So we should be writing the date in descending order of how often the numbers appear in a decade.

I'll concede that the Canadian way does make more sense, but I'm not changing my ways now. I'm a stubborn Ugly American. I do find the tiny culture differences fascinating though. How did every western country start doing something one way, except one? America writes the date "weird," England drives on the "wrong" side of the road. What happened in history to account for these differences?

Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.


Bonnie, of the Drexel "Bonnie & Clyde" identify theft case, has pleaded guilty.

As a Lithuanian, I'm glad she's going to jail. Not because of the identity theft, not because of how pretty she is (in fact, I'm rather amused by the suggestion that the only reason this case made national news and they got caught was because the press thought she was really hot and kept running her picture), but because she claimed to be Lithuanian when she wasn't. Apparently she would wear purple contact lenses and tell people that all Lithuanians had purple eyes, and that her Lithuanian background was why she spoke fluent Russian, because all Lithuanians speak Russian.

Anyone with any knowledge of the Lithuanian fight for Independence from the Soviets knows why that last comment made me want to punch her in the face. Yes, a lot of Lithuanians speak Russian, but that's because they had to learn it or they'd get shot. Lithuania has its own language, thank you very much.

I'm extremely proud of being Lithuanian, and dealing with all the things that comes with it (most people not knowing where or what the country is and think I'm making it up [which is why she got away with lying about it. Learn your geography, people. It's in Europe! Europe should be easy!], a built-in fear of big governments, an urge to slap well-meaning college hippy friends who think Communism is awesome and works every time, etc).

I read this morning that "Bonnie and Clyde" got 6 years in jail, but now that I'm at work I can't find any sources to repeat that. Good riddance, I say.

Monday, July 14, 2008

More on beer.

This article has a lot more detail about the results of the Anheuser-Busch takeover, including the fact that Sam Adams is now the largest American-owned brewery (or will be when the deal finalizes, at least).

Yuengling, my dear local brew, will become the second largest American brewery, followed by Sierra Nevada.

And now you know.

Newsflash: InBev buys Anheuser-Busch for $49.91billion


I'm not sure how I feel about the sudden beer monopoly in America, especially as the new company in charge is based in Belgium. On the one hand, Prague destroyed me, and the only American beers I can stand now are Yuengling and PBR, so this doesn't really affect me.

On the other hand, monopolies in general give me the willies. And Anheuser-Busch's leg-up on the competition was that it was an American-owned company.

I was made fun of yesterday for revealing that I only found out recently (like, in the past few months recently) that Yuengling was a local brew and not a national brand. It's just always been in every bar I've gone to state-side, so I never had reason to think people outside the tri-state area wouldn't be blessed with $8 pitchers of something not brewed by Anheuser-Busch.

Support your local breweries, kids. Fight the monopolies. Drink Yuengling and Victory products. Damn the man, save the Empire, and all that jazz.

P.S. for all you fellow nerds out there, Victory makes a beer called Hoptimous Prime. Be forewarned: my friends love all of Victory's products, but I find them to be too hoppy for my taste, so it depends on your preference. I do recommend (for those of us who don't enjoy the taste of hops) their Golden Monkey.

Friday, July 11, 2008

WHY SO SERIOUS?!?!

This morning I received an e-mail from humanresources@whysoserious.com offering me free tickets to an early showing of the new Batman movie. The e-mail was a link, and then the following text: "HA HA HA HA HA ha HA HA ha HA HA ha HA HA HA ha HA HA HA ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ha ha ha HA HA ha HA HA HA ha ha ha HA HA ha HA HA HA ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ha HA HA ha HA ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA ha HA HA ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA ha ha HA HA HA ha HA HA HA HA ha ha HA ha HA ha HA HA HA HA HA ha ha ha HA HA HA HA ha HA HA HA ha HA HA HA HA ha HA ha"

Unfortunately, the only theater till available in the tri-state area is one in a town in Pa that I've never heard of before, so I don't think I'll be taking the Joker's offer.

May I just say that I love the viral marketing for this movie.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

I still can't really believe this happened...

My mother, it should be noted, doesn't really use the internet, so has no idea why this is funny.

So my cat is walking dangerously close to the chocolate chip muffins she just made.

me: No, cat.
mom: She shouldn't be hungry. She had the rest of your dinner.
A pause as this sinks in.
me: She ate my cheeseburger? My cat ate a cheeseburger?
mom: Well, she was looking at it like she wanted it.Apparently, you can.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

"You Americans are weird." "Yep."

One of my bosses is Canadian. He came into the office today and demanded to know why Americans use the phrases "Fourth of July" and "Independence Day" interchangeably, because we don't do this for any other holiday.

"You don't say, 'what are you doing for the 25th of December?' or 'Man, I can't wait for the parade on January 1st.'" He went on to point out that in Canada, July 1st was just "Independence Day," not the first of July.

So I looked it up, because that is an interesting question (I already came out as a nerd, remember?). The best answer I could come up with is that there are records of people celebrating the fourth of July as a holiday since 1777. But the first recorded use of the name Independence Day didn't occur until 1791. My theory was that because people had been used to saying "Let's celebrate the fourth of July!" for over a decade, referring to the day by the date slipped into the vernacular. Also, the day wasn't made into a holiday until 1870, so its also very possible that even though some states and areas were calling it Independence Day, the name didn't spread to the other areas of the country until the late 1800s, resulting in people being so used to saying "the fourth of July" that it stuck.

I'll admit, my theory is a little weak. If you have a better idea I'd love to hear it.

This question and conversation also led me to learn that every state in the Union has a state anthem except for New Jersey. New Jersey's unofficial anthem is "Born to Run" by Bruce Springsteen, while all the other states' songs (in my opinion) kinda suck. So, in the ongoing battle to find out which is the best state in the Union, New Jersey could very well be winning the "coolest song" round, but choices not to even enter itself into that race. That's ballsy.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

"Never take a wife till thou hast a house (and a fire) to put her in."

Benjamin Franklin and Betsy Ross are getting married tomorrow.

No, really.
Ralph Archbold, one of the most famous Ben Franklins, is getting married to Linda Wilde, who portrays Betsy Ross. They will apparently "exchange rings engraved with a kite and key and stars and stripes, symbols representing the historic characters they play."

I find this marriage to be unbearably cute.

(Is "Ben Franklins" grammatically correct? I've been staring at that sentence for five minutes now trying to figure out another way to say it.)

If you're really (and I mean really) bored today...

The giant Eddie Murphy head, as seen in this article terrorizing Washington, DC, has made it to Philadelphia. It's in front of the Fox building on Market St. today.

Of all the days for me to not bring my camera to work.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Without me, its just Aweso.

I sent out a lot of resumes right after I graduated. One good thing about having found employment, is that it offsets the mind numbing depression that comes from opening the steady stream of rejection letters that have been coming in since May. Each one is more silly than the last. They all want me to know that I'm great, just...not great enough.

The Philadelphia Convention & Visitors Bureau took it a step too far, I think. They want me to know that its not my fault they can't hire me, its theirs. They don't have a "position...available that would utilize [my] skills and experience."

Frankly, I'm just too awesome to work for them. And they need me to know that.

Lawn Chair Drive-in

I think this blog is helping me get through my post-graduation quarter life crisis (as seen in classic films like The Graduate and [the debatable classic] Garden State).

Anyway, while I still have absolutely nothing to do and am waiting for the work day to end, I'm going to plug my friend's event. Every Tuesday night at the park at 3rd and Poplar is the Lawn Chair Drive-in. Bring a blanket or a beach chair and claim a spot on the grass, and then watch old movies screened on a 16MM projector. Bonus: it's free. Added bonus: this is one of the few parks in the city where drinking alcohol in public is legal. The show starts at sunset, so figure out whenever that is whatever day you go (because you should).

More information, including upcoming movies, can be found here.

A lunch break journey through historical Philadelphia

It may not be clear from the fact that I readily admit that I am a lush, but I'm really a huge nerd. I admit this now, because its time we were honest with each other (all three people who read this), and because it explains this post, in which I explore historical Philadelphia in a half hour.

The time limit is because this half hour was my break from work. I sort-of-kind-of work in the entertainment industry (sorta. kinda.), so when there's nothing to promote there's nothing to do, and I spend 7 hours at a desk playing travian and annoying my boss by asking her for work every twenty minutes. I finally got frustrated, pretended I was going to Cosi's for some overpriced coffee (entertainment people love overpriced coffee), and went walking through the streets.

Franklin's Court happens to be less than a block from my office. This is my favorite spot in the city, and has been since I was a child. Unfortunately, it closes its gates before my work day ends, so I rarely get to go there even though I'm so close.

The Court is the former home of Ben Franklin. In 1812 his grandchildren sold it for some reason, and the original house and printing office were torn down to make way for row homes, which were then torn down when the city realized what a great tourist trap Franklin's house was. The property is a square featuring gardens and hollow outlines (pictured) of where the house and printing office once stood. Best of all, and the original reason my mother and I came here all the time, it houses an underground museum, which is free to the public and air conditioned. Air conditioning is very important.

I love the area because since its literally inside of the block, very few people know its there. Once tourist season ends the place is virtually deserted. Even now, smack dab in the middle of the annual "tourists attack the city" month (the week around July 4th, for obvious reasons, is unbearable for natives), there were maybe seven people wandering around the entire square. That's heaven.

I like cutting through back alleys and finding the lesser known historical areas of the city. I took a picture today (which I may upload later if I remember) of the window where my best friend swears he saw a ghost one night. His story is helped by the fact that that house is supposed to be the most haunted house in the city (its diagonal to Carpenter's Hall, south of it, on the corner of 2nd if you want to go ghost hunting).

Post 9-11 Philadelphia, unfortunately, is not the Philadelphia I grew up with. Once upon a time the park behind Independence Hall was my playground. Today, to get anywhere near the building you have to go through a metal detector, stand in a 2 hour line, and be forced to tour the entire building and liberty bell first. No thanks. I love the building, and I love this city, but some nights when I wander by it I'm afraid to linger too long, lest some Park Ranger think I'm plotting something.

I find it sad that Ben Franklin is the city's patron saint (not literally of course. He wasn't Catholic.), who warned us that "those who sacrifice liberty for security deserve neither," and this is what his former neighborhood has become. Obsessed with pretending to be safe when, really, what the hell is a tiny fence that comes up to an adult's waist going to do?

While we're on the subject of Independence Hall, the geography of Philadelphia in National Treasure is wrong. It's the wrongiest most wrong layout of the city ever. Please do not come here and expect to be able to walk from the Hall to South Street to Reading Terminal in five minutes. You will be laughed at, and then keel over and die from trying it.

As a final note: I did eventually go get my overpriced coffee from Cosi. As I walked into the store, the woman behind me turned to her friend and said "yeah, this is it for historical Philadelphia. It's just these few block." That lady is wrong, and may inspire a future entry. Maybe.